Slipping Away

Maybe its stress, or the fact I haven't had sex in forever – or maybe it finally bothers me that no one likes me, they just tolerate me. Whatever it is, I'm slipping away (slip sliding away).

Reality has lost it's meaning. My mask is prominent wherever I go. No one see my true face – not even me. I'm afraid to show it anymore. I'm afraid to show my true self. It's clear no one wants to share in my pain. It's clear nothing is going to change.

The boy I once was has turned into the man you fear. Fear because you don't understand.

I know that one day I will take my own life. It's mine to take – it's my right. This much is certain. I won't kill myself to make others suffer, but to end my own suffering. And for that you should be happy for me. I will be pulling the plug on a life no longer worth living.

I will go to see God and I'll be looking at me – and my judgment will be final.

Turn Signal or Pedophile?

There is a special place in hell for rapists, pedophiles and people who don't user their turn signal.

When I'm driving, and the car ahead of me turns or switches lanes without using their turn signal, I shout out, “Turn Signal or Pedophile, it's your choice!” Some people are shocked I would even put those two things together, but they are quite similar. For example:

• Using a turn signal is common sense - NOT molesting children – also common sense.

• It's very simple to use a turn signal - also very simple NOT to molest children.

• Using your turn signal shows a sign of respect for others - NOT molesting children shows a sign of respect to others.

• Not using a turn signal leads to angry drivers, near misses and collisions – molesting children leads to angry mobs, jail and being beaten to death (if your lucky).

• It only takes a little bit of brain power to use the turn signal – it only takes very little brain power to NOT molest children.

• Not using a turn signal makes Jesus cry – same goes for molesting children.

Now, I know you smokers won't understand this (that's because smokers can't even figure out what the car's ash tray is for – also we know what smoking symbolizes – that's another blog altogether), but the thinking population (humans) should easily undestand this. One evil leads to another. Marijuana can lead to harder drugs, like cocaine (she don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie), shoplifting can lead to bigger crimes and everyone knows once you kill your first person, the next becomes easier. So, it goes to stand that when you stop using your turn signal, next thing you know you are on the Internet propositioning a 10 year old girl (the fact that she is most likely a 37 year old man is a different blog altogether).

It's not just my opinion, it's scientific fact. Dr. Harvarfanerhufar, in early 2006 did a study of convicted sex offenders and discovered that NONE of them use their turn signal while driving.

Of course everyone will deny this is true and say how absurd it is, but I think you will find that same response from pedophiles when they are confronted – they deny it is true and say how absurd it is – I've seen this on Dateline and on the local news.

So next time your driving, and you see someone NOT using their turn signal, call out, “Turn Signal or Pedophile!” Of course you already know which one they are.

Who Am I?

I was conceived on or about Valentines Day, 1969.
I was born on a Saturday
I was born in the year of the Cock (some Chinese calendars say it's the year of the rooster, but the other is more descriptive)
I am a Scorpio in popular zodiac tradition.
I am a Snake, with my plant being the Thistle in the Native American zodiac.
I was born in the Egyptian month of Tyby, the first month of the season of Poret (Emergence - Fertile soil).

My date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 27 Heshvan 5730.

My birthstone is Citrine, which helps connect with the Spirit, although Jewelers tell me it's Yellow Topaz so they can sell me stuff.

Tired

Sometimes I find some else's words can describe my mood.

"...I've had enough
I'm tired of breathing
Tired of feeling
Tired of looking at the past for meaning
Tired of running
Tired of searching
Tired of trying
But I'm not tired of you..." - The Exies "Tired Of You"

Dragon*Con 2006 - The Report

I've been delaying my report on Dragon*Con this year for a few reasons, none of which I will share with you at this time. I was going to report on the panels I attended, the bands I heard, the costumes I saw, the celebrities I talked with in the bar, and the general party atmosphere over 4 days, 3 nights, 3 hotel conference centers, and various hotel rooms. But instead I'm going to sum up Dragon*Con in a different way

Dragon*Con is for Whores. I don't mean this in a bad way. I'm a whore. That's what I went there to do. I went to party and push my website, t-shirts and books. I gave away buttons with my website logo and business cards left and write. I was a whore for my website. But I'm not the only one. About 95% of the people at Dragon*Con are there to whore themselves or their business.

Every single Dragon*Con attendee is one or more of the following:

• In costume (in your underwear, almost naked or wearing a kilt count)

• A director of a major motion picture

• A director of a soon to be major motion picture

• A directory of photography of a soon to be major motion picture

• A writer

• A “writer/director” of a fan film (and I use all of those terms loosely)

• An artist

• Selling product (books, movies, stuff, pictures of themselves, etc)

• Selling themselves (stars, bands, girls with candy bras, etc)

• Someone wanting to see/buy any of the above (this is only 5% of the people).

And I can't wait to do it again next year.

Oh yes, I almost forgot - Dragon*Con should be called "Breast*Con".

What? Huh?

Recent times have been disorienting.
Lots of things spinning around.
Confusion hits me at every turn.
...

Where was I?

Dragon*Con, Shout Outs

Dragon*Con is over. I have returned, but I have not recovered from the experiences (Imay be hungover for several days). Updates will be posted in here, along with a page of pictures - all will be posted by the end of the week.

I handed out a lot of buttons and cards, if you got any of these and have found your way to this site, please use this Contact Us link or post on the Regis Jack MySpace page.

Iwould like to send his applogies to the girl I met on the 21st floor on Saturday. I did come back to check on you but you were gone. Sorry it took so long for me to return (I blame Jay).

One more thing, if you have a picture of me in some compromising position, I would love to see them and use them for X-mas cards.

Dragon*Con and the Rebirth of RegisJack

It's been quite on the website for a few months. Some people thought that I may have given up, stopped writing, or even committed suicide. Where is the Regis Jack everyone knows and loves?

He was dead. But not anymore.

Regis Jack will be at Dragon@Con this weekend, wearing his kilt, giving away buttons, signing autographs (for the few that may actually care), and displaying a few of the new graphics found on the T-shirts at regisjack.com.

I believe I have create some of the most offensive T-shirts that even hardcore people wouldn't dare wear them. If you haven't seen my line of “Suicide Shirts”, go back to regisjack.com and check out the store. I'm not just saying this to sell shit, it's dare. And if promoting suicide is too much for you, there are some religious items that are basic, but will piss off any Christian you may find.

So as I, Regis Jack, become reborn, I begin writing again, continuing my work on, “Probe of Uranus”, a humorous SciFi novella about a guy who wants to use a time machine to get laid, but ends up as the key to the destruction of the universe. It will have humor, sex, rape, death, time travel, space ships and some scenes that may be too much for a traditional publisher, so you will have to find it on my website.

Ok, enough self promotion, I'll do enough of that at Dragon*Con.

If you see me there, say hi – I'll be easy to spot - not young, bald, denim kilt, flashing lights, lots of buttons attached to give away, painted nails, rosary, and talking a lot to people I don't even know. I won't be the most freaky person there, just freaky enough to get some attention. You will find me anywhere Traci Lords goes, at the nightly drum circles, or otherwise looking to get laid.

So, alas, I must sign off as I head down to Atlanta, Ga for Dragon*Con 2006.

Black

Today, everything is black.

Trials and rituals
to break down and destroy and the body and the mind
to bring forth the spirit
to bring forth the essence of what we are

It all ends in black.

One of the Seven Seals has been Broken

Back in April 2005 (if anyone remembers back that far), I confessed my ultimate dreams about Britney Spears and it seems today one has been realized.

Britney, pregnant, nude (in today's standards), with black hair on the cover and inside of August 2006 Harper's Bazaar magazine. Ok, so it's not nude in Playboy (like Dream #2 states), but the dark hair makes up for it.

So now there are only 2 Britney dreams left – next stop Marilyn Manson.

On The Set Of Heart Of An Empire

This past weekend I had the opportunity to be on the set for some green screen shooting for Heart of An Empire (click the link, check it out). My friend, lets call him “Jay” (his real name) has been working on this documentary for several years and is in the final editing process. This weekend was some green screen work for the intro to the movie. When he called me up and asked if I wanted to help, I was more then glad to do it.

The shoot was pretty cool. In Attendance were:

• Jay (Producer/Director)

• Dave (Asst. Director/Associate Producer) with his 7 year old daughter in tow

• Matt (Marketing)

• Justin (Editor)

• Chris (The Sand Trooper - the star of the shoot)

• Regis Jack (no useful talent)

Although everything did not go perfect – missing cables, dead batteries, video transfer problems, the “star” of the shoot was delayed – it was, in my opinion, a very successful and entertaining shoot. Even though I don't have any experience in making movies (not legitimate ones at least) I did get to do a few odd jobs.

• I walked back and forth in front of the green screen to help test the cameras and equipment before Chris arrived.

• Turned some lights on and off (after appropriate instructions from Jay)

• During the shoot with Chris, I became the prop master. For each take I would look over the Sand Trooper costume and straighten out, reattach or correct anything out of place so that it would look as perfect as possible for each take (and man there were a lot of takes)

• Helped out as Jay needed (if Jay says jump, I say, “What!?”)

I learned a lot that day. I learned that the lights on a movie shoot are hot, hot, hot. No amount of air conditioning can stop the heat. And if it was hot for me, it was much hotter for Chris in side the armor. I also learned not to lick the lens of the camera; Jay wasn't very happy with that.

I also got to hang out in the almost completely unknown offices of Bedford Falls Graphics (Matt's company which does the website for Heart of An Empire - it's in the same building as the studio).

And Matt was filming a Webumentary episode for the website, which contains a brief interview with some of the crew and also me. So check it out on the Heart of An Empire website – it should be published soon (should be episode 11).

The end result of the shoot looked great in the raw footage and will look even better once the background and opening credits are applied.

Overall I had a great time and would gladly do it again. It's strange, I normally I like to be the center of attention, but it was great to be a part of something larger them myself. This isn't something I get paid for (and I don't expect to be) – all I ask is that Jay and Matt make my website link bigger on their “Friends of Heart of An Empire” section of the website each time I help out. After all, I am a media whore.

Look for Heart of An Empire in theaters, hopefully in 2007.

Where have you been?

I don't know were you have been, but let me tell you where I've been. On second thought, that would be mind numbingly boring, much like this blog entry is so far. Many of you are probably asking, “But where is the witty banter and emotional outpouring that you normally read in this blog?” Well, I've been out so it hasn't been done. And when I say I've been out, I don't mean out away from home, but mentally out.

My mind is filled with thoughts of life, death, sex, chocolate, romance, dirt, shotguns and unicorns. Basically completely fucked. This has disrupted my life completely which is why the blog is not updated very frequently anymore. But don't dismay, I hope to turn it around, not my thoughts, but my ability to articulate them in puzzling ways that make no sense to anyone.

Vir prudens non contra ventum mingit

Blur

Everything around me is a blur
I feel out of touch with everything around me
The world is hazy
Life is obscure

Nothing is in focus
I cannot sense my core self
Clarity seems unattainable
Death has been chosen

Answers elude me
I no longer know what to say
Meditation brings chaos
Ecstasy is extinct

Questions remain unanswered
I do not expect that to change
Chaos rules my thoughts
Pain is eternal.

Lack of Focus

There is a journey I must take
I don't know where to start
I don't know where it will take me
But I must take it

My mind needs focus
I lack focus because of loss
I must get my focus back
Or I will not survive

What I had before will never return
I must accept this
I must embrace this
Or I cannot go on

But I can't. That's It. I can't. No poetic prose on this (yes, that what I was doing before). I can't seem to accept what has happened. There is no mythical journey that will help, nothing will bring clarity to me, this is it. I have strong feelings for someone and they don't have these same feelings for me. Same old story. It's not unique to me, it's the same story all over. I've heard it before, I've seen it before, I've experienced it before, didn't like it then either. All I can do is express myself. And with that being said, queue the poetic prose:

The solution eludes me
I can't find it alone
For that I need a friend
And I don't want that

My Dog

I love my dog. My dog is my best friend (I know it's cliché, but it's true). I'm not sure what I would do without my dog. I've always liked having my dog around and he seems to feel the same about me. It's a well known fact that my dog loves bologna. He goes nuts for it. He would eat it every chance he gets if I let him. I used to feed it to him most every day, but for some reason I decided to no longer feed it to him. Now I only show him the bologna, but never let him touch or eat it. I like to dangle it in front of his face and when he tries to get it, I pull it away. And even though I do these things, my dog still loves me and I still love him. Even though I tease him with bologna, he still waits by the door for me to get home, still plays games with me, still loves me. He may think that one day he will get bologna, but I can tell you it's never gonna happen. I will continue to tease him with it but I will never let him eat it. But I'm sure my dog will always be there, no matter what I do.

By the way, I don't have a dog. Turns out I'm the dog.

#154

I am only looking for Love.
The Love that used to exist.
I am only looking for that connection that used to be shared.
But now that connection is only one way.
When I look into her eyes, I feel the connection in my soul.
I feel.

I thought I knew who I was, but I was only playing the part.
I was what others needed me to be.
Not who I should be.
I was what she wanted me to be. Nothing else.
Without her, I am me.
I am me.

Once I had dreams, now only nightmares.
Once I felt love, now only pain.
Once happiness was within me, now I cry myself to sleep.
Once I felt needed, now I'm a crutch.
Once I wanted to live forever, now I want it to stop.
I want it stopped.

I'm no longer looking for Love, just understanding.
I don't expect life to return where it was.
I don't want it like it was.
Because now I am me.
I only need to know where I stand.
I need to know now.

No one can save me, I don't need saving.
I don't need your pity, I don't want your pity.
I write this because this is me.
No one can stop me, No one can help me.
This is who I am.
I'm who I want to be.

I stand in hell because I choose it.
I show a happy face to all because they need it.
I am Legion, for I am many.
I am alone, for I am only one.
I understand my needs, I understand my desires.
They no longer control me.

NASCAR Math

As the NASCAR season starts again, I felt it was important that I put in my two cents on the subject. One of the things I like most about NASCAR is naming of signature moves based on the driver it most exemplifies.

For instance, what had been known as the 'bump-n-run' will forever be known as 'the Earnhardt'.

When a driver really, really, really, really extends their fuel mileage, they are pulling a ‘Newman’.

Giving someone the finger is now called flipping someone ‘the Stewart’.

If you’re constantly finishing at least 1 lap down, that’s a ‘Wallace’ (or an Earnhardt Jr).

And last, but not least, if you are constantly changing the rules for no other reason then to piss people off, you're called ‘NASCAR’. I’m not saying any of this is true, fair or even just, that’s the way it is.

Besides drivers being linked to moves, drivers are also linked personality traits. For instance, being an ass is said to be like ... well that was a bad example, because that varies from race to race, but the term 'Young Guns' has been used to describe the drivers still in diapers ... ok, again, not the best thing to say – I meant the young teenagers, etc that are driving – not the 'Seasoned Veterans' (which may also be in diapers).

Then one day I sat down and started thinking (and boy are my arms tired), there is yet another thing that binds drivers together. Their numbers. Although you will find other drivers and other formulas to use, here is my favorite.

((Jimmy Johnson / Kyle Busch) * Tony Stewart) / Jeff Gordon = Dale Earnhardt Jr.

If you look at it from the math point of view you get: ((48/5) * 20) / 24 = 8

Ok, I know, now you are asking your self what this means (go ahead do it, ask yourself, I'll wait)... I don't know, but it looks cool.

That's the way I see it. Sorry you had to read it.

Additional: I was going to say that if you car is running long and hard all day, that’s called a ‘Johnson’, but I wasn’t sure anyone would think that was funny.

St. Valentine's Day Trinity

Back in 2003, I waxed historical about Valentine's Day. I researched its roots and celebrated the romance of the day. Love was ingrained in my soul. I was happy.

By 2005, my views on Valentine's Day had taken a turn for the worse. As love was being forcibly drained from my body I no longer saw anything positive about that day. I created an Anti-Valentine Day Checklist (buy T-shirts and mugs with the checklist in the store) and followed it to the letter.

So here I am in 2006 (and still using “so” to start sentences for some very strange reason) and I've fallen even deeper into the pit of resentment I hold for Valentine's Day. It makes me ill to think there are couples out there who share love and will use this day to by gifts, show there love, and have sex (I still like to believe that humans still do this). I see nothing positive about this day. To commemorate my momentous depression I have taken my Anti-Valentine's Day Checklist and put it on T-shirts (ash grey, black, yellow, green) and coffee mugs for your own enjoyment.

That's the way I see it, sorry you had to read it.

Life is Good (not really)

Today's blog will be different the the blogs of the past year and half. There has been a disturbing pattern developing here at RegisJack.com. So much of the content is depressing, bleak, hopeless, upsetting, and just downright dreary. But today I am going to focus on the positive things in my life. I'm going to blog about the things that make me happy and provide me with a sense of worth.

So here it goes...

...

That's they way I see it, sorry you had to read it.

Pain, My Own Personal Jesus

My life is about pain: physical, emotional, and spiritual pain.
As all of my other beliefs have come into question, pain has always been there to comfort me.

Pain allows me to live my life.
It filled the void left when my soul was torn in half.
Without pain, life is dull, listless, and boring.
My life is not worth living without pain.
I believe that everyday I should be in some kind of pain.

Pain replaces all my other feelings.
I have found peace in pain.

My life used to be about pleasure: physical, emotional, and spiritual pleasure.
I didn't doubt anything in my life.
I found comfort in the pleasure that was my life.
Pleasure can be shared – that's the whole point.

Pain is for me and me alone.
My pain is my own.
My life is my own.

I believe in pain.
Pain hears my prayers.
Pain is my savior.

Happy Fracking New Year

Here is RegisJack.com's 2005 year in review.

I've heard voices that only I can hear (and you will still hear them)
I saw arrows (even with your eyes closed)
Britney did NOT appear pregnant and nude in Playboy (there is still hope)
I got Jack Bauer's number (so did everyone else)
SWCIII (when is SWCIV?)
I've searched for ghosts (in all the wrong places)
I've made some friends (...)
I've played a drum or two (it helps drown out the voices)
Got another year older (your up to 327)
Didn't have sex (only because no female would ever consider it)

It was a year of confusion (a year of conflict)
It was a year of pain (pain is so close to pleasure)
It was a year of depression (but who really cares)
It was a year of torment (that will never change)

I expect 2006 to be no different (It will be different, it will be shorter)