Life Interrupted

It wasn't that long ago when my life was going so well. I looked forward to each day. I looked even further into the future and was excited to see it unfold. I was comfortable with my place in the universe. I felt complete. I was ready to grow old (well, older).

But not anymore. My life has been shattered. I am in pieces.

I dread tomorrow, as well as the rest of this day. Each moment is filled with doubt, loneliness, and emotional pain. I fear my future, because it is now uncertain. I can no longer find my place in the universe. I'm terrified to grow old. I struggle to find a reason to keep going. I question what I have done with my life so far and question even more why I should continue.

I'm being devoured by the world around me.

But every one in while, even when I feel I can bear no more, there is a spark. A small jolt where I forget about my life, forget about the universe, forget about everything. And for that split second of time, only now exists with no thoughts of anything else, not even a thought of now.

I laugh, I cry, I sit and stare - but it is certain, my life has been interrupted.

There is no I in ME

Windows and Air
Desire and Trust
Escape and Life
Control and Torture
Fear and Sex
Love and Hate

The well is deep
At the bottom
Enveloped by darkness
A lone light shines
But brings no warmth
Forsaken by God

I need
I want
I do not
I cannot
I will not
I must

Dreams are torture
Nightmares bring peace
Life is unreal
Emotions are unclear
Terrified by touch
Disgusted by intimacy

False saviors
True demons
Fractured soul
Desperate times
No heroes
Wishful thinking

I cannot turn away
I cannot face it
It will destroy me
Love distracts from reality
Fear allows me to hide
Death will be my release

Ugly

I look into the mirror
all that I see
my reflection is obscene

I feel it inside
I am dirt
I am dirt

I hear it when I speak
What I say is...

Others see me as someone else
No one sees me

Not even me